jacquesusa's Cancer Blog

March 23, 2008

Chapter 1

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On this Easter morning 2008, I have decided to begin a diary of my life’s entry into the world of cancer.

I will start by summing up what has happened so far, as my journey into this unchartered territory is still only beginning. I plan to post regular updates as i begin radiation in the next week or so.

I am a non-smoking, very occasional light drinking, 48 year old white male. 5’8” and currently weighing 178lbs.

THE FIRST SIGNS:
Last summer one day i noticed my right lymph node under my neck was hard and swollen. Having been bitten by deer ticks a few weeks earlier, i thought that it might be the beginning of lymes disease.l b I went to the doctor, had numerous blood tests and all showed negative for lymes or any related tick born disease.

Then i was referred to a Ear Nose Throat guy, and he proceeded to check it out and give me 2 consecutive Fine needle aspiration biopsies. They came back as ‘inconclusive’ the tissue was ‘lymphoid’. Recommendation come back in a few months for a checkup or surgery. With no pain i went back to the ENT doc in November. The lymph node was still swollen but had not changed in size or hardness. A full body PET scan was ordered, which first had to be cleared by insurance. The PET Scan was done in January. It showed that my lymph node was a ‘hot spot’ on the pictures, which i was told represents ‘unusual metabolic activity’ in that area and could be cancer. But also it might not be. My ENT doc called me to his office and layed out the The Plan: remove the swollen lymph node, do a on the spot biopsy.

Scenario #1 If it’s not cancer, just close up the incision, i’d go home from the hospital that night.

Scenario#2 If it is cancer and it’s lymphoma, close up the incision. i’d go home that night and then deal with doctors.

Scenario#3 If it is squamous cell cancer, open up my neck from my ear to nearly under my chin and inspect further. Remove all compromised tissue, neck muscles, nerves, jugular. Perform an laryngoscopy with biopsies to locate a primary source of cancer.

How could this doctor be talking cancer and possibly removing half my neck?! It’s just a swollen node that had not changed in size in over half a year. I drove home from the consultation in shock and numb. I told Jan my girlfriend of 13 years what transpired. We both cried, but rationalized that doctors always scare you with the worst scenarios. The surgery was a week away and i tried not to be over dramatic about it.

I will begin my experience with a reprint of an email i sent to a few family members, 6 days after my surgery and my being officially labeled with cancer.

Feb 14th 2008,
My Dear Friends,

My surgery was last friday Feb 8th 2008 to remove a swollen lymph node. During surgery they discovered it was squamous cell cancer.

So now here is the first update on my cancer

I had my first meeting with the doctor/surgeon who discussed my case.

Here are the facts.

The surgery to remove my lymph node revealed during surgery that i had squamous cell cancer. The cancer was contained in the lymph node. The surgeon removed a total of 5 lymph nodes in the chain. 4 nodes were cancerous as well. No adjoining tissues such as neck muscles or other tissues seemed to be compromised so he did not remove them.
The surgeon noticed that my right tonsil was swollen and removed it thinking it could be the ‘primary source’. Also several other biopsies in my mouth throat and nose were done.

None of these additional biopsies detected cancer, which actually is not good news.

Squamous cell cancer in the lymph nodes cannot be the primary source of the cancer. The squamous cell cancer migrated to the lymph nodes. But the primary cancer source could have been as small as a few cells (5 or 10) i was told, so it is possible that the biopsies would have missed that if that had been the case.

The next step now is a meeting with a radiation specialist. The plan will be basically to blast my neck area and try and kill the primary source and any left over cancer cells without fully knowing where they are. I believe this will happen in a few weeks once my scar has healed some.

This treatment may be all that is needed and semi-annual checkups will be follow to see if it re-appears.

The prognosis is difficult to ascertain as we don’t know if the cancer is gone or where it might show up next.

I am in great spirits and very calm about the new reality of my life. For now i feel very much at peace with my self and hope that in some way this has been a true blessing from God bringing me closer to have a better ability to savor the moment and not worry about the trivial.

To be continued…

Since that letter much has happened personally and medically. which i will get into after i enjoy an Easter dinner with family. I will go in to the details of this, in the next couple of days. Also i would like to do a daily diary of the next few months with pictures, as i go through radiation and begin the journey to rebuild myself.
Jesus dying on the Cross and rising again has never had so much meaning to me as it does today.